Highly Sensitive Children want to do it right the first time.
And when they don’t have the skills to manage failure, this can create a host of problems in their lives.
Soccer practice meltdowns.
Screams of “I’m so stupid!” and “I might as well not even try!” and “I would rather die than do homework!” ringing through the house.
You name it. You already know it, after-all, don’t you?
So then you wonder, how bad is this?
What do I need to do to break my child out of this prison in their own heart?
How much time do I have before this becomes how she handles problems permanently?
So you rush to reassure: “It’s not that bad- we can do it sweetie, let’s take it one problem at a time.”
Or you investigate: “What about this homework makes this so hard?”
Or you lose your cool: “Enough! You made a commitment to soccer and you will play out the whole season! We are a family of people who keep their commitments!”
But that all makes it worse. The screams turn into full out meltdowns.
Throwing the pencil.
Ripping the paper.
Homework just is not making it home, you’re late to soccer practice, and your child starts threatening themselves.
You may feel the urge to back off, let your child “fail” and see if that helps– relieve the pressure if you will.
I don't advise either end of the pendulum here.
In mid March of this year, there were a string of teen and young college athlete suicides that made the news.
Kids who wanted to be the best, but just couldn’t take the pressure. Even if their parents didn’t set those standards for them. These were internal standards.
And as a Highly Sensitive suicide expert, as well as someone who has lost several family members and close family friends to suicide, and witnessed my own sister barely live through severe mental health issues I am here to tell you about the themes for Highly Sensitive Children that you need to ensure you don’t diminish.
Past the 2 year anniversary of my cousin’s death by suicide, I’m recalling the fear of failure was high for him as an entrepreneur.
That coupled with impulsivity led to his successful completion of suicide, leaving his family devastated– but shocked in a different way, as his mom died of the same means only several years prior.
There is a common thread in significantly depressed Highly Sensitive children, teens and adults that attempt suicide that needs to be noticed here.
The desire to escape the pain is higher than the desire to succeed and persist through challenge.
Why? Because when you’re stuck in fear, you cannot be curious.
So it’s incredibly important for you as a parent of a perfectionistic sensitive child or teen that you listen up.
Highly Sensitive people make up 20% of the population, but 50% of the population that seeks therapy.
Highly sensitive kids, teens and adults have a higher likelihood of developing chronic suicidal and self harmful behaviors.
Why do you think that is?
Because as a society we are not focused on raising our HSCs in a way that helps them thrive.
Sensitive kids already want to feel better, perform better, succeed.
They have a rich imagination and an expansive capacity to see into the possibility of their assignments, roles, play and community contributions.
And yet the ‘suck it up’ approach to parenting stifles their sparkle.
A validating home environment is THE protective factor for these severe consequences of perfectionism.
This is where you come in.
Because contrary to popular belief, sending your sensitive child to a professional to work on her self-esteem doesn’t actually end the negative self-image that a sensitive child/teen stuck in the meltdown cycle has.
What does? Your relationship with your child.
The parent-child relationship IS the change-agent for Highly Sensitive children.
You might think, hmm, Megghan, your personal data set, what is that 3, 5 people?
No. I’ve worked in this field as an expert for over 10 years post-Master’s. I’ve served hundreds of families in the mental health industry, AND hundreds of families are served annually in our coaching practice.
That’s my data set.
My heart and passion comes from living with the pain of watching my family members never gain the future we help families achieve for their children easily.
Eliminating the meltdown cycle in as little as 8 weeks is something no one else does in the world better than my team.
No child was put on this earth to feel miserable.
It’s up to you to choose a path that gets them out of this dynamic swiftly.
Anything else is just conceding to mediocrity– and for a perfectionistic child, that is like slow torture, isn’t it?
Book a call with our team to find out if our path to emotional safety in your home is a fit for your family. We will break that down clearly and you can get started right away.
Book a call with my team today: https://www.megghanthompsoncoaching.com/talk
For families with high school aged teens: https://www.megghanthompsoncoaching.com/teentalk