Does FAFO parenting work for sensitive kids?
I've noticed a new parenting trend going viral on social media, and even a WSJ article focusing on it recently: FAFO parenting, which stands for "F-ck Around and Find Out". On the surface, it seems to make sense - give kids freedom to make their own mistakes, then let them face the natural consequences Especially for those of us raising highly sensitive kids, FAFO parenting can sound very tempting when we're at our wits' end with the daily meltdowns and shutdowns.
But here's why FAFO is actually the WORST approach for our sensitive kids: Sensitive kids need MORE guidance and scaffolding, not less. Their nervous systems are already overwhelmed trying to process so much input. Throwing them into the deep end to "f-ck around and find out" will only lead to more dysregulation and meltdowns.
What they need is a compassionate co-regulator (that's you!) to guide them through tricky situations and model healthy coping skills. Sensitive kids internalize shame very deeply. The "find out" part of FAFO usually involves some form of shaming, whether that's an "I told you so" attitude or even blatant mocking when kids make a mistake. For sensitive kids, shame is like poison to their sense of self.
They will take those shaming messages straight to their core and believe there is something wrong with them. Building their self-esteem requires empathy and emotional attunement, not shame and "tough love". Sensitive kids need resilience to demonstrate creative problem solving.
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