And complete meltdowns.
All these (and more!) can be a daily struggle when trying to get your HSC to go to school.
And that’s on a normal morning, when they’re in a routine.
But following a long vacation?
Well, that’s even more stressful.
In fact, many parents tell me they dread this time of year, because they know every single day will incur a freakout …
If not multiple freak outs.
They’re waiting with baited breath for the school year to start again …
Trying to eke out every last second of the summer, before the ‘chaos’ sets in, the struggle returns, and every morning drains the life from them.
And what’s even worse is, you’ve probably only just got into your vacation routine, and now everything’s about to change back again!
Let’s face it, parenting an HSC has a lot to do with establishing routines and healthy habits, and breaks in the school calendar do not help with this.
But it’s also about balance.
Because you don’t want to move too far toward either end of the parenting spectrum.
Naturally, some parents feel they need to embrace the ‘mean parent’ role, and enforce strict guidelines, because they think that’s the only way their kid will listen.
Other parents take the ‘softly softly’ approach, and walk on eggshells, for fear of causing even more disruption, fights or arguments.
Neither of these extreme approaches will help you or your child.
And I get it. Your job is not easy.
But here’s something I know will help eliminate those back-to-school freak outs…
When your HSC is having a meltdown, it’s because they’re experiencing a problem.
As adults, our usual approach when someone comes to us with a problem is to provide a solution.
If someone told you they were hungry, you’d tell them to have something to eat.
If they told you they were cold, you’d tell them to put on a sweater.
But with your HSC, this will never work.
That’s because they’re not emotionally available to solutions.
For them, in the current moment, their emotions override everything.
So if they’re anxious about their teacher asking them a question they don’t know the answer to, no amount of reasoning or problem solving will help, because that anxious feeling takes control.
If they’re scared they might forget a textbook, it doesn’t matter how many solutions you give, the fear is so overpowering, that’s all they can focus on.
You could give them the simplest, easiest, most foolproof solution in the world, but it’ll fall on deaf ears.
So if solutions won’t work to calm the back-to-school chaos, what will?
Well, first and foremost, you need to help your child realize that these things they see as problems aren’t really problems at all … they’re just different.
And different things don’t have to be bad. In fact, they can lead to AMAZING opportunities and outcomes.
So by acknowledging how they feel, and then encouraging them (without simply being a cheerleader,) you’re already halfway there.
Not just that, but you need to speak your kid’s language.
Chances are, this isn’t your language.
But they need to feel seen, heard, and understood, and so to do that, you need to be on the same page verbally.
So mirror their tone. Use the same words and phrases they do. Try to speak in a way you know they’ll understand, even if it feels foreign to you.
And finally, you want to instill the confidence in them that they can do this on their own.
What we’ve seen with our clients, is the more they can encourage their children to find a solution for themselves, rather than simply giving them solutions, the more calm and empowered that child feels.
Once you can do these three things, you’re well on your way to not just eliminating those back-to-school freak-outs …
But having a proven toolkit to help in any new or stressful situation.
This should help you get started, and see some headway in those ‘back-to-school battles.’
But if you want a more personalized approach, and you’d love support, guidance, and expert help along the way …
Why not book a call with our team today, and talk about how we can help: https://www.megghanthompsoncoaching.com/talk
For families with high school aged teens: https://www.megghanthompsoncoaching.com/teentalk
And Join our free training to learn what it takes to shift out of the meltdown cycle.