The #1 Reason Verbal Aggression is Still Happening in Your Home

“Shut up”, name calling, threats, how do you draw the line? 

You want to be treated with respect in your house, and who can blame you?

You need a place to relax, rest, recharge, and where else can that reliably be but in the comfort of your own home and yet if you’re stuck in the meltdown cycle that feels impossible.

Because if your child is hitting, kicking or yelling “shut up stupid!” to your other children what you’re actually doing is holding your breath daily, counting the hours until bedtime and waking up with dread.  

And if this is happening in public- whether your child is threatening classmates, or cursing up a storm in Target, you’re not only feeling ashamed, but also mortified, and likely sad and even defensive because you know this is not your true kid. 

It’s heartbreaking to see your kid, the same one who can be compassionate towards animals, notice small delights in nature, and is surprisingly clever, get stuck in deep waters of aggression and revenge seeking. 

You know this behavior has got to stop– there’s no way your child will be able to keep a job if they talk to people like that…that’s not how the real world works.

And yet, when you share with your child the list of unacceptable words in your household, it’s as if they choose to use them most when the tension is high. 

What gives?

It’s very important that you look at this behavior as a skill gap, rather than a choice.

No one was put on this earth to feel miserable… and a child who speaks with such aggression is absolutely in pain. 

If your child knew how to consistently decrease the intensity of their emotions they would.

This is the problem. 

When you treat the problem like a skill gap, AND you have an effective strategy to help your child change their behavior quickly, it’s incredibly simple to hold the faith that your child will use more compassionate, kind language, even when upset…

Because your child starts to change how they relate to challenges quickly.

Instead of reacting for hours over the simplest things, with the most intense language, they pause, take a breath and ask for help.

Or they yell, but immediately apologize.

Because you’re not expecting perfection. 

Sheesh, if you can just get through the day without an outburst or a meltdown, that would be such a relief, right?

Now how would your life be different as you experience this every day, for weeks?

Take our client S. from Tennessee for example. 

She felt so frustrated with her 7 year old’s behavior that she stopped being the mom she wanted to be.

She was constantly on edge around her son’s behavior– she felt so trapped around his aggression, hitting toward his sister and her, that she yelled way more than she wanted to admit.  

Her son didn’t feel liked, and admittedly she knew why.

But with his forceful language, and physical aggression, it was hard for her to keep her cool.

Once we got her using strategies to support him in experiencing his emotions rather than exploding…

…she finally felt free enough to set limits that she could keep around screen time, meals and the sibling relationship, and was no longer on edge.

This helped the whole family shift– she shared with her husband a marked difference in their relationship– and while he worked 60-70 hours/week he concurred–he saw how she related to their son differently.

And he felt confident he could keep the consistency going– now that they were both on the same page they could be collaborative in their approach, even if their roles at home were different.

She celebrated several weeks in that she had eliminated the daily meltdown cycle after implementing the strategies we taught…

And of the 20 different family goals they set during this process, they achieved 9 of them within 8 weeks, and are noticing significant progress on 8 more.

Can you imagine writing a list of ‘must haves’ for your family and achieving nearly half of them within 2 months? 

Our clients do this all the time.

It’s possible for you too… the only thing between you and that possibility is a phone call.

Book your conversation with our team here:

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