Are You Spoiling Your HSC?

Have you ever been mid-meltdown with your kiddo, only to hear someone remark -

“Kids these days!”

Or maybe you’ve been with family, and they mention something about being ‘spoiled.’

If so, I feel your pain.

Here you are, doing your best to keep the situation under control, only to have someone judge your parenting.

Even if the person saying it is well meaning, it still sucks.

Because they have no idea what you’re going through.

And as you know, comments like this are not helpful.

But do they have a point?

Is modern US culture to blame for your child’s struggles?

Or have you been spoiling them, and that’s why you’re dealing with emotional outbursts, high levels of anxiety, and a kid who struggles with things other children take in their stride?

Short answer …

No, you’re not spoiling them.

Friends and family (particularly older generations) often see an HSC and assume they’re like this because they’ve not been given enough discipline …

Or you’ve let them get away with bad behavior …

Or even that you’ve given them too much love!

Let me be clear here -

There’s no such thing as giving a child too much love.

HSCs are highly sensitive, regardless of how much attention you give them.

Now, that’s not to say you should give in to their every demand …

But the accusation of ‘spoiling’ them only ever comes from people who don’t understand child psychology.

What about the culture aspect though?

Is the way we treat kids in general here in the US contributing to the increasing numbers of HSCs?

In all honesty, probably not.

The stigma around mental health is far less here than in many other countries.

And our mental healthcare system is way ahead in terms of clinical research, technologies, and quality care.

So really, it’s not the case that more children are highly sensitive than ever before …

It’s just that we’re better at recognizing it.

Which is a good thing.

When it comes to comparing our parenting style to other cultures though, this is where it gets interesting.

I sometimes get clients ask me about more authoritarian parenting styles -

Such as the kind you see in Latino or Eastern European culture, and more frequently in the US in Southern states. (this is not a comprehensive list)

Well, there might seem like there is good and bad to this.

The one benefit of a more hard-line parenting style is that you may be able to make the tough decisions easier.

Say for example your kiddo is having a meltdown, and you know you need to stand firm, and help them work through it for themselves, rather than babying and mollycoddling …

That might be easier to do if your culture encourages a stricter parenting style.

On the flip-side though, we know that punishments don’t work with HSCs.

In fact, harsh punishments obviously just inflame the situation and make things worse.

Punishment doesn’t teach your HSC what to do! It only teaches your child that they did something wrong.

And unfortunately, because their behavior is most likely impulsive, they can’t be expected to stop if that’s the only way they know how to communicate their feelings.

Not just that, punishments can breed shame and resentment …

Making the next meltdown even worse.

So sure, you don’t want to take too ‘soft’ an approach to parenting …

But being hardline authoritarian doesn't work either.

You need to be kind and loving, while staying firm.

Which is hard to do.

But that’s why parents come to us.

We give them confidence in their parenting, to know they’re making the right calls, at the right time.

So whether you’ve been struggling with knowing how ‘strict’ to be …

Worry you might be giving your kiddo too much discipline …

Or can simply see how having an expert in your corner can be the difference between daily meltdowns and arguments, and a happy, harmonious household …

We’d love to help.

Use this link to book a call with my team, and let’s do this together: 

For families with high school aged teens:


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