Thinking of taking your HSC to therapy?
If so … Don’t do ANYTHING until you read this blog.
Now, I want to preface this by saying, I never make sensationalist comments for the sake of it.
That’s not my style.
I want to give you help and advice, not be ‘controversial’ in order to generate engagement.
That’s why you know I’m being deadly serious when I say that therapy could be ruining your child’s emotional intelligence.
Whether we’re talking about ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) …
PCIT (Parent-Child Interaction Therapy) …
Or even something like sticker charts …
None of these help to eliminate meltdowns.
Well, traditional therapy uses a reward structure.
It rewards good behavior, and punishes bad behavior.
You might do that when you’re training a dog … But not when you’re parenting your kiddo.
The problem with this approach is that it focuses purely on stopping the symptom.
Let’s say you want to leave the house but your kid starts yelling.
Maybe they hit or bite you.
They say they hate you.
Or throw themselves on the floor and shout about how they want to die.
None of these are the problem … These are all symptoms of the problem.
It’s like if you had an imbalance with your gut bacteria, that flared up every time you ate.
You wouldn’t just take an antacid after every single meal for the rest of your life, would you?
Because while that might give you some temporary relief, it wouldn’t be doing anything to treat the root cause.
And over time, the effects of the antacid would wear off, while your stomach pain just got worse and worse.
So you’d go to a specialist to work out what was really going on, and fix that.
It’s the same with your kiddo.
We don’t want to reward them for not having a meltdown, because all that does is force them to keep it in, and get stuck in this perpetual shame cycle.
Sure, it might mean you have a morning or two where you get to work on time for once.
But long-term, it’s only setting you up for failure.
Your child needs to learn to deal with the cause of their meltdown at the root.
Meltdowns and lashing out are just the manifestation of their feelings, and you can’t expect to remove feelings with sticker charts, or by simply ignoring them!
Not just that, but once your kiddo catches on to what you’re doing -- and believe me, they do catch on …
They simply develop ‘perfectionistic’ behaviors.
They teach themselves to tone down their reaction, all the while, bottling it up and not dealing with it, which only leads to a bigger incident, the next day, week or month.
Bottom line: You can’t ‘train’ your kid out of meltdowns.
Try to do that, and they become robotic.
You want them to feel like they trust you, and can come to you when there’s a problem, right?
Well, how do you expect them to do that, when you’re the one who’s offering them incentives to cover up their feelings?
Or even if they’re doing this with a therapist, there’s no way they’ll open up to a professional, if they’re constantly being made to dial down their emotions.
You can see how this all becomes one big mess, right?
And that is why I’m so against traditional forms of therapy for ending the meltdown cycle.
It doesn’t work for you, because all those problems that you’re getting your child to cover up through rewards are going to bubble up to the surface again real soon.
And it definitely doesn’t work for your kiddo, because they never learn to deal with the cause of their outbursts.
And that means they only ever feel more shame, discomfort, anxiety, stress, anger or frustration when situations arise.
So if ABA, sticker charts and PCIT don’t work, what does?
Well, the best way to figure out what’s right for you and your kiddo is to hop on a call with us.
We can have a low-key talk, and figure out exactly what you’re struggling with right now.
It may be the case that you do need a local professional to see your kiddo.
If so, we can give you some insight on what to look for.
Likewise, it may be that you’re doing everything right already, and just need to give it more time.
Or it might be the best way to see an immediate reduction in meltdowns, and return peace and calm to your home is to work with us.
We specialize in helping parents of HSCs turn their lives around on a daily basis.
We personalize everything to you, and we never use ‘dog training tactics’ like so many traditional therapists do.
We can help your kiddo learn to manage their emotions, while becoming strong, resilient and capable.
But we can’t do that, unless you book your call.
Hit the link below and let's talk: https://www.megghanthompsoncoaching.com/talk
For families with high school aged teens: https://www.megghanthompsoncoaching.com/teentalk