I talk a lot about overcoming problems in these emails.

Ending the meltdowns …

Calming the fights, tears and tantrums …

And I often share how to simply cope with the challenges raising an HSC can bring.

That’s because I know how tough it can be.

But one thing I don’t talk about nearly as much as I maybe should, is how amazing your child can be.

See, HSCs have a TON of potential.

And actually, they have a hidden advantage over other kids, that means they’re often way more likely to succeed.

I know that might be tough to get your head around, if right now you’re only just making it through the day with your sanity intact.

But believe me, by the end of this email, I think you’ll feel differently.

See, being highly sensitive isn’t a ‘problem.’

It’s actually a gift.

And I genuinely believe sensitive kids have the power to change the world.

But only if you do things right.

I was recently talking to a Mom who was new to...

Running around the house like someone gave them a Red Bull at 8pm.

Bedtime battles can be the worst kind of meltdown in this cycle.

When your energy is drained, your patience is thin, of course it drives you extra crazy to watch your kid take 30+ minutes to do the simple tasks of pjs and brush teeth.

But the saddest part can be that you look forward to the snuggle time that can happen as soon as they get this part done, adding to your frustration.

And you know that disappointment is about to be shared– because the ‘one more story’ or ‘just a minute’ right before lights out could mean a big explosion if you don’t concede to the request…

When do these mental gymnastics end?

Do you prioritize the actual bed time… or calm so your kid can actually settle into bed?

Do you apologize to your future self for having to pay for cavity fillings when the toothbrushing process is as limp as cooked spaghetti?

You might have heard from others...

There’s no doubt about it, HSCs thrive on having a regular routine.

And that’s all well and good … But sometimes, try as you might, routine isn’t something you can control.

Like after summer vacation.

You know this as well as anyone, but small changes can bring about BIG reactions in sensitive kids.

They can get stuck in overwhelm, descend into a shutdown cycle, or go into full-on meltdowns, just from the tiniest change in schedule.

Meaning for many parents, getting back into a routine post-Summer is a nightmare.

And what might seem like a small change to you (or even to most kids) feels like their world is ending to an HSC.

It doesn’t matter if you revert to the exact same routine they had a couple of months back, they find adjustment super difficult.

And that can lead to a 3-hour marathon argument every morning.

Or begging and pleading to get them to get up and get dressed.

Or maybe they even start acting up at school, because they just can’t...

Stomach aches.

Tears.

Tantrums.

And complete meltdowns.

All these (and more!) can be a daily struggle when trying to get your HSC to go to school.

And that’s on a normal morning, when they’re in a routine.

But following a long vacation?

Well, that’s even more stressful.

In fact, many parents tell me they dread this time of year, because they know every single day will incur a freakout …

If not multiple freak outs.

They’re waiting with baited breath for the school year to start again …

Trying to eke out every last second of the summer, before the ‘chaos’ sets in, the struggle returns, and every morning drains the life from them.

And what’s even worse is, you’ve probably only just got into your vacation routine, and now everything’s about to change back again!

Let’s face it, parenting an HSC has a lot to do with establishing routines and healthy habits, and breaks in the school calendar do not help with this.

...

“Shut up”, name calling, threats, how do you draw the line? 

You want to be treated with respect in your house, and who can blame you?

You need a place to relax, rest, recharge, and where else can that reliably be but in the comfort of your own home and yet if you’re stuck in the meltdown cycle that feels impossible.

Because if your child is hitting, kicking or yelling “shut up stupid!” to your other children what you’re actually doing is holding your breath daily, counting the hours until bedtime and waking up with dread.  

And if this is happening in public- whether your child is threatening classmates, or cursing up a storm in Target, you’re not only feeling ashamed, but also mortified, and likely sad and even defensive because you know this is not your true kid. 

It’s heartbreaking to see your kid, the same one who can be compassionate towards animals, notice small delights in nature, and is surprisingly clever,...

I just got off a call with a parent who said she worked with a therapist that said her son just needed to ‘get his emotions out’. 

This child was stating he wished his brother would die, that at 9 years old asking his parents after his meltdowns subsided ‘why do you hate me’ and mom and dad were so exhausted that they were, (regrettably so, obviously)...

yelling when he would not follow through on the daily tasks with multiple warnings… 

even when his siblings would do the same thing easily. 

So, after trying many sticker charts, talks and lectures, these parents did what every dedicated parent would do– they sought professional help. 

And this is what the therapist told them: “he’s emotionally healthy.”

Mom nearly fell out of her chair– and while she didn’t realize that she was working with a novice professional (the therapist was provisionally licensed) that honestly doesn’t matter- we...

It’s a common phrase in positive parenting, isn’t it? 

Has an awesome ring to it– If your child feels better about themselves, their lives, their relationships, they will succeed.

This promise leaves you holding the bag when you’re parenting a Highly Sensitive Child stuck in the meltdown cycle, however, so let’s cover why this parenting phrase is FALSE for your kid. 

HSCs want to feel better, of course, but they are missing the capacity to generalize their skills.

So, when you follow the premise of just creating more positivity in your home to solve the meltdown cycle, you are still parenting your child like a non-Highly Sensitive Child. 

Getting yourself out of the way (eliminating lecturing, criticism, increasing praise, etc) is highly effective for parenting emotionally regulated non-Highly Sensitive kids.

But it’s only one part of the puzzle for parenting an HSC, especially one who is having daily meltdowns, freak outs or shut...

When you are stuck in the daily meltdown cycle and your spouse or co parent is nitpicking, walking on eggshells can feel like an understatement.

Not only are you trying not to set up the bomb of your kiddo’s meltdown of the day (or hour) but then you are having to deal with withholding your eyebrow twitches when your spouse calls your kid out on something you would deem unnecessary.

Talk about Chinese water torture!

So now you’re holding it in trying to help your kid stay calm, AND holding it in trying not to tell your spouse to cut it out… and you’re lucky if all you do is engage in dagger-like side eye…

Which we know only fuels all of the fires…

Yours because you’re stifling your voice…

Your spouse’s because they feel they have a right to parent and teach your child without your permission…

And your kid’s because they feel the tension… and are already irritable!

If this is your everyday experience you...

Remember when you pushed through those last few weeks of school meltdowns, daydreaming of easier days without homework meltdowns and reports of under stimulation-driven “misbehavior” from your kid’s teacher…

You weren’t thinking about the hard stuff that comes with parenting an HSC stuck in the meltdown cycle during the summer…

Like how much of your summer vacation is going to be spent wrestling your kid into sunscreen and camp t-shirts with tags…

Wrestling them out of the pool…

And refereeing when they try to police the whole town for splashing during water play…

And yet, here you are.

Wondering which is harder: getting up day after day for the school routine, or helping your child adjust to the variety of summer activities only to have them end in 5 day camp cycles.

Not to mention the sensory overwhelm that is hard to track… because you know it’s mood dependent for your kid, not caused by a disorder.

So, to...

Highly Sensitive Children want to do it right the first time.

And when they don’t have the skills to manage failure, this can create a host of problems in their lives.

School refusal.

Homework refusal.

Soccer practice meltdowns.

Screams of “I’m so stupid!” and “I might as well not even try!” and “I would rather die than do homework!” ringing through the house.

You name it. You already know it, after-all, don’t you?

So then you wonder, how bad is this?

What do I need to do to break my child out of this prison in their own heart?

How much time do I have before this becomes how she handles problems permanently?

So you rush to reassure: “It’s not that bad- we can do it sweetie, let’s take it one problem at a time.”

Or you investigate: “What about this homework makes this so hard?”

Or you lose your cool: “Enough! You made a commitment to soccer and you will play out the whole season! We are a...