Thinking of taking your HSC to therapy?
If so … Don’t do ANYTHING until you read this blog.
Now, I want to preface this by saying, I never make sensationalist comments for the sake of it.
That’s not my style.
I want to give you help and advice, not be ‘controversial’ in order to generate engagement.
That’s why you know I’m being deadly serious when I say that therapy could be ruining your child’s emotional intelligence.
Whether we’re talking about ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) …
PCIT (Parent-Child Interaction Therapy) …
Or even something like sticker charts …
None of these help to eliminate meltdowns.
Well, traditional therapy uses a reward structure.
It rewards good behavior, and punishes bad behavior.
You might do that when you’re training a dog … But not when you’re parenting your kiddo.
The problem with this approach is that it focuses purely on stopping the symptom.
Do you ever wonder if your kid is REALLY having a problem at school …
… or if what they’re going through is just a regular struggle that all HSCs face, and it might pass in time?
There’s no doubt about it, parenting a sensitive child is tough.
You know they have needs other kids don’t.
And that you need to bring your A-game, every single day.
But still, sometimes there’s that creeping doubt -
“Should I be doing more … Or do I need to let them figure some of this out on their own?”
You know me -- In my coaching practice, we’re all about giving HSCs the tools, skills and resilience they need to handle whatever life throws at them.
But sometimes, you gotta step in.
Especially if they’re really having problems at school.
The question is -
How do you know?
Well, there’s 3 things to look out for:
#1: Is your kid being singled out?
I’m not talking about your kid getting feedback every now and then for not...
“Why does my child do so well at school …
… but completely lose it at home?”
That’s a question we get a lot from parents.
See, while it might be natural to assume your kiddo would act up MORE at school, because of the extra stimulus, the extra stress, and having to conform to ‘rules’ …
The opposite is often true.
And it can leave parents scratching their heads, wondering what they’re doing wrong.
Here’s the thing -
You’re not doing anything wrong.
Think about it:
There are things that happen at work that stress YOU out.
But what do you do?
You realize you can’t shout, scream and yell at people, because, well … you’re at work!
But when you get home, you probably let all your emotions out.
Or, if something triggered you at home, you’d probably be a lot less cool, calm and collected than you are in the workplace.
Because home is your safe space.
And you might think it’s...
Book a call with my team today: https://www.megghanthompsoncoaching.com/talk
For families with high school aged teens: https://www.megghanthompsoncoaching.com/teentalk
I talk a lot about overcoming problems in these emails.
Ending the meltdowns …
Calming the fights, tears and tantrums …
And I often share how to simply cope with the challenges raising an HSC can bring.
That’s because I know how tough it can be.
But one thing I don’t talk about nearly as much as I maybe should, is how amazing your child can be.
See, HSCs have a TON of potential.
And actually, they have a hidden advantage over other kids, that means they’re often way more likely to succeed.
I know that might be tough to get your head around, if right now you’re only just making it through the day with your sanity intact.
But believe me, by the end of this email, I think you’ll feel differently.
See, being highly sensitive isn’t a ‘problem.’
It’s actually a gift.
And I genuinely believe sensitive kids have the power to change the world.
But only if you do things right.
I was recently talking to a Mom who was new to...
Running around the house like someone gave them a Red Bull at 8pm.
Bedtime battles can be the worst kind of meltdown in this cycle.
When your energy is drained, your patience is thin, of course it drives you extra crazy to watch your kid take 30+ minutes to do the simple tasks of pjs and brush teeth.
But the saddest part can be that you look forward to the snuggle time that can happen as soon as they get this part done, adding to your frustration.
And you know that disappointment is about to be shared– because the ‘one more story’ or ‘just a minute’ right before lights out could mean a big explosion if you don’t concede to the request…
When do these mental gymnastics end?
Do you prioritize the actual bed time… or calm so your kid can actually settle into bed?
Do you apologize to your future self for having to pay for cavity fillings when the toothbrushing process is as limp as cooked spaghetti?
You might have heard from others...
There’s no doubt about it, HSCs thrive on having a regular routine.
And that’s all well and good … But sometimes, try as you might, routine isn’t something you can control.
Like after summer vacation.
You know this as well as anyone, but small changes can bring about BIG reactions in sensitive kids.
They can get stuck in overwhelm, descend into a shutdown cycle, or go into full-on meltdowns, just from the tiniest change in schedule.
Meaning for many parents, getting back into a routine post-Summer is a nightmare.
And what might seem like a small change to you (or even to most kids) feels like their world is ending to an HSC.
It doesn’t matter if you revert to the exact same routine they had a couple of months back, they find adjustment super difficult.
And that can lead to a 3-hour marathon argument every morning.
Or begging and pleading to get them to get up and get dressed.
Or maybe they even start acting up at school, because they just can’t...
And complete meltdowns.
All these (and more!) can be a daily struggle when trying to get your HSC to go to school.
And that’s on a normal morning, when they’re in a routine.
But following a long vacation?
Well, that’s even more stressful.
In fact, many parents tell me they dread this time of year, because they know every single day will incur a freakout …
If not multiple freak outs.
They’re waiting with baited breath for the school year to start again …
Trying to eke out every last second of the summer, before the ‘chaos’ sets in, the struggle returns, and every morning drains the life from them.
And what’s even worse is, you’ve probably only just got into your vacation routine, and now everything’s about to change back again!
Let’s face it, parenting an HSC has a lot to do with establishing routines and healthy habits, and breaks in the school calendar do not help with this.
“Shut up”, name calling, threats, how do you draw the line?
You want to be treated with respect in your house, and who can blame you?
You need a place to relax, rest, recharge, and where else can that reliably be but in the comfort of your own home and yet if you’re stuck in the meltdown cycle that feels impossible.
Because if your child is hitting, kicking or yelling “shut up stupid!” to your other children what you’re actually doing is holding your breath daily, counting the hours until bedtime and waking up with dread.
And if this is happening in public- whether your child is threatening classmates, or cursing up a storm in Target, you’re not only feeling ashamed, but also mortified, and likely sad and even defensive because you know this is not your true kid.
It’s heartbreaking to see your kid, the same one who can be compassionate towards animals, notice small delights in nature, and is surprisingly clever,...
I just got off a call with a parent who said she worked with a therapist that said her son just needed to ‘get his emotions out’.
This child was stating he wished his brother would die, that at 9 years old asking his parents after his meltdowns subsided ‘why do you hate me’ and mom and dad were so exhausted that they were, (regrettably so, obviously)...
yelling when he would not follow through on the daily tasks with multiple warnings…
even when his siblings would do the same thing easily.
So, after trying many sticker charts, talks and lectures, these parents did what every dedicated parent would do– they sought professional help.
And this is what the therapist told them: “he’s emotionally healthy.”
Mom nearly fell out of her chair– and while she didn’t realize that she was working with a novice professional (the therapist was provisionally licensed) that honestly doesn’t matter- we...