It’s a common phrase in positive parenting, isn’t it?
Has an awesome ring to it– If your child feels better about themselves, their lives, their relationships, they will succeed.
This promise leaves you holding the bag when you’re parenting a Highly Sensitive Child stuck in the meltdown cycle, however, so let’s cover why this parenting phrase is FALSE for your kid.
HSCs want to feel better, of course, but they are missing the capacity to generalize their skills.
So, when you follow the premise of just creating more positivity in your home to solve the meltdown cycle, you are still parenting your child like a non-Highly Sensitive Child.
Getting yourself out of the way (eliminating lecturing, criticism, increasing praise, etc) is highly effective for parenting emotionally regulated non-Highly Sensitive kids.
But it’s only one part of the puzzle for parenting an HSC, especially one who is having daily meltdowns, freak outs or shut...
When you are stuck in the daily meltdown cycle and your spouse or co parent is nitpicking, walking on eggshells can feel like an understatement.
Not only are you trying not to set up the bomb of your kiddo’s meltdown of the day (or hour) but then you are having to deal with withholding your eyebrow twitches when your spouse calls your kid out on something you would deem unnecessary.
Talk about Chinese water torture!
So now you’re holding it in trying to help your kid stay calm, AND holding it in trying not to tell your spouse to cut it out… and you’re lucky if all you do is engage in dagger-like side eye…
Which we know only fuels all of the fires…
Yours because you’re stifling your voice…
Your spouse’s because they feel they have a right to parent and teach your child without your permission…
And your kid’s because they feel the tension… and are already irritable!
If this is your everyday experience you...
Remember when you pushed through those last few weeks of school meltdowns, daydreaming of easier days without homework meltdowns and reports of under stimulation-driven “misbehavior” from your kid’s teacher…
You weren’t thinking about the hard stuff that comes with parenting an HSC stuck in the meltdown cycle during the summer…
Like how much of your summer vacation is going to be spent wrestling your kid into sunscreen and camp t-shirts with tags…
Wrestling them out of the pool…
And refereeing when they try to police the whole town for splashing during water play…
And yet, here you are.
Wondering which is harder: getting up day after day for the school routine, or helping your child adjust to the variety of summer activities only to have them end in 5 day camp cycles.
Not to mention the sensory overwhelm that is hard to track… because you know it’s mood dependent for your kid, not caused by a disorder.
Highly Sensitive Children want to do it right the first time.
And when they don’t have the skills to manage failure, this can create a host of problems in their lives.
Soccer practice meltdowns.
Screams of “I’m so stupid!” and “I might as well not even try!” and “I would rather die than do homework!” ringing through the house.
You name it. You already know it, after-all, don’t you?
So then you wonder, how bad is this?
What do I need to do to break my child out of this prison in their own heart?
How much time do I have before this becomes how she handles problems permanently?
So you rush to reassure: “It’s not that bad- we can do it sweetie, let’s take it one problem at a time.”
Or you investigate: “What about this homework makes this so hard?”
Or you lose your cool: “Enough! You made a commitment to soccer and you will play out the whole season! We are a...
It’s heartbreaking when your other kids tell you they’re trying to have patience,
But they secretly want to punch their sister for her overwhelming meltdowns…
And then your mind starts to race with all the questions….
How did it come to this?
How is aggression now an acceptable solution in my home?
Haven't I been spending ALL this time trying to teach my HSC that it isn’t?
Why do my other kids feel like the only way to get her to stop is to whack her?
How do they feel knowing that this isn’t really an answer– trapped because they would never do it?
Angry and powerless?
All of the above?
It’s hard enough living under the weight of the meltdown cycle,
But the guilt you carry for feeling like you are neglecting your other child’s emotional needs is exceptionally profound.
It’s not like you can tell your kid,
“Sorry your sister keeps freaking out, I don’t...
I have a tough, but straight forward question to ask you.
Do you ever feel like your kid deserves a “better” parent?
If you even have an inkling of a yes or a yes, but; you are not alone.
All parents – including me and my team of experts – have days where we feel like our parenting efforts have sucked the life out of us.
You can’t control the universe and what it brings in to your life,
If your child is struggling with daily meltdowns –
Hitting, kicking, screaming, running away from you,
Saying hurtful things,
Or totally shutting you out and locking up emotionally (and sometimes physically),
This is not a struggle put in your lap that you need to grin and bear.
Watch on to learn how.
Book a call with my team today:
For families with high school aged teens:
If you had to write your own definition of parenting, what would you write?
The actual definition from webster's dictionary reads:
the raising of a child by its parents.
2 : the act or process of becoming a parent.
3 : taking care of someone in the manner of a parent.
Now with that as your basis, what would your definition be if your child was NOT stuck in the meltdown cycle?
Don’t lose that thought. We’ll come back to it at the end.
For now, I want to talk about the challenging aspect of parenting a kid that may not be 100% biologically your child.
Many parents have shared with me that they feel they are at a disadvantage in this case,
Because they never developed parenting instincts.
Therefore, they are missing that connection with their step/adopted child.
Let me bust that myth right away to say parenthood is not always natural.
There is no biological advantage in terms of parenting skills when you have your child vs adopting one (metaphorically and literally).
As a proud owner of the human body, I think we can all agree on one life stage we’d never teleport back to.
The raging hormonal highs and lows,
Acne and body hair randomly popping up all over the place,
Clothes fitting differently,
You can probably name several of your own personal least favorite things about your experience with puberty, but I digress.
When you have a Highly Sensitive child who is on their way to teenagehood,
And that child is already stuck in the meltdown cycle,
Chances are, you’re already fastening your seatbelt for the wild ride and hoping it’ll get better…
Or you may be on the other side of things and assume your kid will grow out of it.
The thing is – neither of those things are going to happen.
Watch on to learn what's really going to happen.
Book a call with my team today: https://www.megghanthompsoncoaching.com/talk
For families with high school aged teens: ...
As summertime approaches, the change in seasons makes everything feel lighter.
Until you’re hit with the realization that just because you’ve stopped dealing with school refusal, summer camp refusal is right around the corner.
Or you know that screen time for your teen is about to increase tenfold and be way harder to manage.
Let’s face it.
Being a parent is more than a full-time job and when you have a kid that is stuck in the meltdown/shutdown cycle,
It feels like you never really get a break.
But what if I told you that this summer, you can break the meltdown cycle in as little as 8 weeks?
It’s totally in the realm of possibility for your family.
I know that because it’s what we do here at MTC.
Our team of experts work with parents to eliminate suicidal thoughts and actions among kids and teens by teaching parents how to help their children manage their emotions.
And now that you know exactly what we do here,
I’m going to tell you how you can...
When it comes to getting things done around the house,
You’re no stranger to negotiation.
Aside from making deals with your partner to do the dishes if they clean the toilets,
You are now saying things like “if you have dinner with the family, you can watch 10 extra minutes of TV before bed,” to your HSC.
What you didn’t anticipate was the fact that the deal-making never really stopped…
And it’s EXHAUSTING.
Especially when you’re asking your kid to do things you want them to do WITHOUT you having to beg.
Like brush their teeth,
Do their homework,
Wash their hair,
Or anything else your HSC doesn’t seem to deem as important at that moment.
The point is, negotiating with your kid doesn’t work.
Book a call with our team to learn if we can help you.
For families with high schoolers