I wanted to talk today about a common misconception that a lot of my HSC parent clients face when they think about teaching their child responsibility and follow-through (and to just freakin' get ready on time).
Look, as someone who grew up getting paid for her A’s on report cards, it’s hard for me to write this because cash in the bank felt good in my childhood/teen years, (despite having my first job at age 12). But what we as parents don’t often realize, is that these rewards (be it stickers, money, prize boxes or praise) actually lead to long term struggle.
The logic makes sense on the surface. Work hard, get a reward, work hard again, get another reward, etc. Parents suppose that it will help build a connection that hard work reaps benefits, makes you feel good inside, and builds self-esteem and a sense of feeling capable. What this pattern actually leads to, however, is the exact opposite.
Highly sensitive kids are especially vulnerable to...
As parents, we know the importance of watching our budgets to make sure our family's financial needs are met. But I also know parents of highly sensitive children are considering more than just money when it comes to raising their child.
You're watching the minutes tick by while your child continues to meltdown, knowing you will be late for work again. You're seeing the pile of clothes laying in their closest because they “just don't feel right” to your kiddo. You know how much energy you lose every time another meltdown starts.
But do you ever consider what this is costing your highly sensitive child?
Today, I'm discussing three different costs that you probably haven't considered when it comes to raising a highly sensitive child.
When your highly sensitive child is melting down once or twice a day, you already know the hours that are being lost. But what about the EXPERIENCES that are being lost? I'm not talking about...
I hear this from parents I speak to all of the time, and my calls with the last several parents who enrolled in my bootcamp solidified my need to talk about this.
And it’s a tough one to say out loud since I am a therapist and I love my profession, and I love supervising and teaching therapists, and it’s also true that there are a ton of therapists out there who don’t know jack about how to work with highly sensitive children.
So that leaves you…
Dropping your kid off for therapy thinking this will decrease their anger.
Wondering if the person you’re sending your kid to knows exactly how freakin’ frustrating it is to deal with your kid on the daily.
Feeling like a sh*t parent because your kid’s therapist’s suggestions are just NOT going to work for your family.
Feeling like a sh*t parent because you can imagine these suggestions would work for the parents of the other kids this therapist works with.
The list goes on.
You often struggle with how to help your HSC move about their day when their worries are HUGE all the dang time. It makes sense, then, that your go-to is ‘let’s talk about it later’ or ‘ think happy thoughts to distract you.’
You hope that your child will forget about what’s bothering them, and genuinely, you’ve seen it happen before, so it’s not always a delay tactic because you’re not in the mood/feeling confused how to handle it/have no time to spend 20 minutes on this/just don’t feel like it/your other kid needs to eat (have bum wiped/wants to lick your face/poke the dog in the eye…you name it).
But then there are the times when it royally backfires, leaving you wiped out and with bald patches where you (metaphorically I hope) yanked out all of your hair.
The truth is, most of the time your child is not ‘forgetting about it’. With a mind wired to move faster and use more of its power ALL OF THE...
When Autism Doesn’t Seem to Fit… HSC and/or ASD…Which one is it? Join me as I discuss this.
That moment when you think....
"Is she doing this on purpose?"
"Maybe he's just going this for attention?"
"Is my child manipulating me?"
Whether it's trying to get homework done, being put to bed on time or just getting out the door- the thought lingers in the back, or front, of your mind.
What about when you realize your child's meltdowns are controlling the entire day? Is that what they wanted all along? Is this how it's always going to be?
Join me to learn the truth about what's really going on.
Where do we draw the line with school?
Helping your child get used to the pandemic school day is hard enough, and if you’re parenting a Highly Sensitive Child, you need to be on your toes.
We speak to so many parents who report they’re lost in leading their children out of the fog of responsibilities of schooling behind a screen.
When you have a child who is experiencing intense emotions and you throw them into online school, there are a few things you need to pay attention to so this year doesn’t become a wash at best.
Watch the video now!
When it comes to breaking the meltdown cycle, many parents will want to address where they get stuck with their child's behavior, and none of that will matter without getting unstuck in your own behavior.
You know you play a pivotal role in managing your own emotions, but on the live video I made this week I discussed how you play a pivotal role in perpetuating the meltdown cycle, through your own understanding of the cycle itself.
I discuss the 6 Coping Potholes in Parenting an HSC and the one thing you need to change to fix them all in this video.
How one FRIED mama went from wearing her baby NONSTOP to keep him safe from her preschooler’s hits, to regularly relaxing on the couch with her hubby while the kids play safely.
Join me in learning from Toni’s journey from fear, hyper-vigilance, and trying all of the strategies, to calmly supporting her son in ceasing the meltdown cycle…all with more energy and while taking on a new job!
Watch the video now!
Your Highly Sensitive Child has a higher risk of developing a mental health diagnosis simply because the personality trait is not part of mainstream parent guidance nor covered in graduate school for mental health professionals.
Be sure to understand WHY your HSC has a diagnosis of Anxiety or ADHD, and isn’t just misdiagnosed because your local provider is not familiar with the trait.
Learn the difference between Highly Sensitive Children, Anxiety, and ADHD in my interview on a summit HERE.
The last thing you want to do is put a label on your child’s permanent record that dictates an ineffective path for supporting your child through her major struggles. Working with a professional who is unfamiliar with the Highly Sensitive personality trait is not effective at reducing symptoms of anxiety or determining whether your child is diagnosed effectively.